Letting go of chronic pain

A poem about acceptance (and the ocean)

in this moment
I do not resist
so I do not suffer

I embrace my pain
and watch it lovingly
rise and recede

evanescent like these soft
white seas bubbles
bursting between pebbles

the ocean showing me
once more how to simply
breathe

oh how I want
to sail out
onto her endless horizon

to sink down forever
and be her inspiration
under a star splashed sky

but realising how I have
already started to resist
to yearn for more

I can only mourn that peaceful moment
already lost to me
like a burst sea bubble

breathe in
breathe out

in this moment
I do not resist
so I do not suffer
...

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One of the wonderful things about writing poetry or a journal is stumbling across something you wrote ages ago which you really needed to read again.

I seem to go through regular mini off-seasons where I just can’t muster the fight, where chronic pain feels like it’s overpowering my will, my happiness, my everything, and all I can do is wallow in feeling shitty about myself. I’ve learned that this is just part of my coping mechanism, and it will eventually pass.

I was going through one of these episodes when I found this poem I wrote years ago fell out of a drawer when I opened it, in a terribly clichéd way you would expect when a private investigator finds a vital clue in a movie. As you can see I wrote it during a typewriting phase I briefly went through:

It’s surprising where you can find little seeds of inspiration which find a crack somewhere inside you to take root and grow.

And of course I couldn’t resist on elaborating on the poem and posting it here. That’s one of the other wonderful things about poetry: poems are never finished, they are only abandoned. The joy of working on a poem, watching it grow, mature and change shape, is one of those small pleasures in life I’ve grown to love. Of course, sometimes it’s best not to fiddle - I really don’t know if I prefer the original, short version or my newer longer version!

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Thanks to everyone who has written in about my symptom diary app, sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you. I’m slowly going through all the emails I’ve missed, I will reply to you all eventually.

I’m still working on the new food ingredient tracking feature, it will likely take another couple of months.

Until then, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. james@chronicinsights.com

One love 💜

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