Letting go of chronic pain
A poem about acceptance (and the ocean)
in this moment I do not resist so I do not suffer I embrace my pain and watch it lovingly rise and recede evanescent like these soft white seas bubbles bursting between pebbles the ocean showing me once more how to simply breathe oh how I want to sail out onto her endless horizon to sink down forever and be her inspiration under a star splashed sky but realising how I have already started to resist to yearn for more I can only mourn that peaceful moment already lost to me like a burst sea bubble breathe in breathe out in this moment I do not resist so I do not suffer ...
One of the wonderful things about writing poetry or a journal is stumbling across something you wrote ages ago which you really needed to read again.
I seem to go through regular mini off-seasons where I just can’t muster the fight, where chronic pain feels like it’s overpowering my will, my happiness, my everything, and all I can do is wallow in feeling shitty about myself. I’ve learned that this is just part of my coping mechanism, and it will eventually pass.
I was going through one of these episodes when I found this poem I wrote years ago fell out of a drawer when I opened it, in a terribly clichéd way you would expect when a private investigator finds a vital clue in a movie. As you can see I wrote it during a typewriting phase I briefly went through:
It’s surprising where you can find little seeds of inspiration which find a crack somewhere inside you to take root and grow.
And of course I couldn’t resist on elaborating on the poem and posting it here. That’s one of the other wonderful things about poetry: poems are never finished, they are only abandoned. The joy of working on a poem, watching it grow, mature and change shape, is one of those small pleasures in life I’ve grown to love. Of course, sometimes it’s best not to fiddle - I really don’t know if I prefer the original, short version or my newer longer version!
Thanks to everyone who has written in about my symptom diary app, sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you. I’m slowly going through all the emails I’ve missed, I will reply to you all eventually.
I’m still working on the new food ingredient tracking feature, it will likely take another couple of months.
Until then, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. james@chronicinsights.com
One love 💜